So you want and dont want me?

Am I going on your back burner?
Am I supposed to just wait for you to get me out of your system until you decide that I'm what you want?
Am your storage unit? Your pity booty call?

At this point, im a fixture. A lamp, however comforting, just not important enough to care about when broken. Sweep me up and throw me out with the rubbish. Get annoyed by the tiny pieces you missed. Replace me with a better version that breaks the same way.

You can't keep your word. You soothe me with lies and expect me to be understanding. You expect me to not be upset when I find you out. You yell at me for being mad about the wrong things you do. Its not fair and wont live like this.

Then theres that

It amazes me how many tears a person has.
I wonder if its possible to dehydrate from crying.
I wonder if someone could have a heart attack from emotional pain.
It amazes me how empty and full a heart can feel.
If our spirits exist, how many times can it bend before it breaks.
Love and hate, side by side, trading places, trading back....the damage, is it real?
So much I don't understand.
So much I can't grasp.
Wake up, breathe, keep breathing.

Cant i be stupid like everyone else...oh, wait..

I just discovered that to some, I just don't get it. Im one of those up my ass, think i'm knowlegdable, might be trying too hard sometimes but means well people.
Its like in school when you get to the last grade in grade school, finally at the top! Then you get to middle school and have to work your way back up and so on, so forth.
I have been wrong about many things and usually I enjoy that because I learn. Now when I am wrong, the impact of my decisions are greater....its more important to not spin the wheel and place your bets.
I feel very alone in this.