Another letter for you

Hey Cass!
If you were alive today we would make plans to hang out and do something fun. I'd like to go see a movie and maybe grab some lunch. You can tell me all of your goals and we can share ideas about the future that we can help each other with. We could laugh at all the stupid girls and boys that want so little for their lives. We could laugh at all the ridiculous feelings we have about the world. We could sit quietly and just enjoy each other's company.
I haven't done an open Mic night since you died. I barely play guitar anymore although I very much want to. I wonder what songs you'd like for me to learn for you that I would if you were here.
I want to tell you all about my amazing daughter. I want to show you how wonderful she is...I want her to know her aunt Cassidy. She's beautiful and sweet, kind and independent she'll be strong too, you can see it in her smile :)
I feel a terrible absence, ever present, looming just around the corner from all my happy moments. I can't say that I'm haunted but I can say perpetually wounded. Always rubbing the empty space, trying to get relief. Existing without you is so goddamned hard. It's not something I talk about with anyone, I don't feel like they would understand anyway. What am I supposed to do? Just cry on them? No one wants that. Except for maybe us lol. I know i could cry on you but if you were here, I wouldn't need to. If you could read these letters I write to and about you, you'd probably tell me suck it up and move on. Ha! You can't! I'm going wallow in my misery to spite you because then, at least, I still feel connected to you. I love you. I miss you, all the time. I thought you should know

Yours, truly-
Sarah

Miss you

There's so much I want to talk about and only you will do. Too bad you're still gone. I wonder what you would feel now. What kind of things would you say? Would we be the same size and share clothes still? Would we be getting mad at each other over dumb shit and eating too much candy? We'd definitely watch a horror movie or two but you'd also make me sit through romantic comedies and would groan and roll my eyes while you laughed at my best effort to act annoyed.
There's so much going on in my life that I want to talk about. There would have been a lot to talk about of yours if you were still alive. Why can't you be alive for like 10 fucking minutes?!