My grandmother died

My grandma died. It was not expected. She was alone in a foreign place. Im so heartbroken. My mother is cold and says things to me that seem obscene and unbelievably callow for someone that just lost their mother. I feel like I lost my mine when grandma died. She was kind and loving. She helped when she could even if it wasnt easy to do.
I do well most days, only crying a time or two. I felt guilty for being proud about the first day I went without crying at all.
For some reason Jeremy has become more argumentative lately...litteraly at the worst possible time. I want to explode but I just dont have the energy.
Cass, I wish you were here. Im losing everyone thats important to me and those that I thought were, are proving themselves not be. Please talk some sense into me. I'm not ok! When people ask how I am I have to say 'I'm fine' to avoid an upsetting conversation. I dont even know these people. Im broken amongst strangers and my only shoulder is agruing with me about trivial nonsense. What should I do? I cant breathe. I just keep apologizing.
Wake up. Breathe. Keep breathing.
I miss you Cassidy. So very much.