....so I went to the meeting. The sense of urgency was overwhelming although it was obvious that this endevour was going to take some time. I don't know the people beside me yet I feel trust. We will go one at a time. Those that fail will repeat the task until completion; those that succeed will be met with more questions but at least that is somewhere other than here.
The first one goes by skateboard down the hill. He passes the pedestrians, glides beneath the power lines and reaches the house. He waves back to let us know he's made it. We then connect with him, seeing through his eyes.
He looks through the back door window past the dirty ruffled curtain into a porch littered with things that someone couldn't or wouldn't throw away. A metal cabinet with double doors was blocking the entrance to the kitchen and you could hear the rantings of a man in turmoil just inside. Every so often something would smash against a wall or a window else where in the house would break.
He looks back at us again...confidence waining but bravery intact. He jiggles the handle...the door opens and he enters.
Our connection is lost (and rightfully so). We pace and look on, starring at the door. The house is quiet. We wait for what seems like forever......we discuss our tactics; why we're here and the possibilities of what may be to come.
Eternity at our fingertips.
Then something disturbs us back to the door. He's come out slowly, dragging his feet with a gun in his hand. He gives us a desperate look. You can tell he's crying...he lifts the gun and discharges a round into his temple. The shot was silent and the air became heavy. His body faded away and a top floor window shattered out into the yard.
The two of us stood there looking over the empty spot where once a pool of blood stained the grass.
It was the next mans turn. He sucked in a large helping of air, mounted his bike and said "See ya' on the flip side" with a hint of regret. He too travelled down the hill, past the pedestrians and under the power lines. He walked around to the side of the House and peered into the windows. We saw a man in a filthy white robe, a long beard and long hair with middle-eastern colored skin. He's pacing and calling out; looking at the ceiling and pounding his chest. He slams his fists on the mantel, pushes the clock and vase placed there into the floor and they shatter at his feet.
The man slowly get off his bike, lowers his head and walks away. He doesn't look back. He doesn't try to get in. He just gives up and walks away, fading as he does so.
Now it is my turn. I debate for a moment on staying. I lose to myself and go. Walking down the hill, I see a young girl with a doll. She asks if I'll help her find her daddy so I take her hand and keep on walking.
An elderly woman is trying to cross the street, she's trying to rub the worry from her eyes and my heart goes out to her. She's afraid and just wants to get home but the traffic is keeping her from comfort. I ask the little girl if she wants to help me help the woman. She looks up at me. I know that she means yes, even though she doesn't say a word. The elderly woman sees us comming. Her eyes light up and she begins to smile. Her expression is relieved and weary. I tighten my grip on the little girls' hand and take the old womans'. Look left, Look right, look left again and cross. The traffic stops as we enter the street. Everything slows and gives us their attention. Some are happy because we help. Some are jealous and some are apathetic. Halfway through the raod the little girl yells "DADDY!!" and runs to a man on the other side who drops to his knees, opens his arms and exclaims "PRINCESS!! Oh! My baby girl! You're ok!!" The old woman looks over to me. 'well done' she says with her eyes, pats me on the back and lets go of my hand. She picks up the doll that the little girl dropped in her excitement and hands it to the father. He thanks the old woman over and over again to which she smiles, nods and walks away.
I watch her walk away. I watch the reunited in their happiness and my heart breaks...in a good way. I don't take credit or say a word. I just turn and walk toward the house.
Now that I am on the opposite side of the street, the power lines are not above me. A few yards down the street is a destitute man selling handkercheifs out of his pockets. My broken heart goes out to him so I search myself for money but all I can find is a few cents. It startles him when I ask how much and reach my 53 cents out to him. "A smile" he says. I smile. "Such a pretty smile should never leave a face that belongs to such a strong heart." he replies. "thank you.." I say and bow graciously to his kindness.
Now at the yard. I look down at the kerchief then back at the house. I approach the door and knock.
The door opens and the house goes quiet. The man is standing in the blocked doorway. He watches me walk in and move stuff out of the way. I make my way to the cabinet; we are a yard away from one another and both reach down to upright the cabinet. We look at one another. I feel acceptance.
He turns to walk into the kitchen, picks up a chair to sit in and I do the same. He says:
"My father wanted this. He wanted this beautiful strong house. He wants me to watch over it. He says that it's all for you..well not just you but all of you. He told me that this was the only way to save you and i'm thinking, save them from what?!"
"..ourselves?" I ask.
"Exactly! To save you from yourselves and believe me I understand why you need saving, hell I was where you are once! Such simple minds but so abolutely complicated" he laughs. "It's funny how you complicate thigns to feel important. You complicate things to feel like you're really alive. You complicate things so you can search for something.....you complicate yourselves like you have a reason to..." he begins sobbing. "...and it's not about me. It never was about me. It was all for you...I begged him...I begged him to relieve me of this burden and he turned his back on me! It was to lead by example! LEAD BY FUCKING EXAMPLE AND YOU STILL DON'T GET IT!! It wasn't about me....." He's crying and breathing heavy through his teeth. "If you'd all just take care of one another...if you could just see how much one could make a difference...if you only saw past your own beautiful and twisted desires...you'd see how much better everything would be. One makes a difference...." I reach into my pocket and hand him the kercheif.
He looks at it in disbelief. He wipes the blood from his hands and face. Dabs the tears from his eyes and says "Thank you....this is all it takes." and shakes the kercheif so I can see that it's clean. No blood no tears, then he fades away.
The kercheif is on the table for moment then fades as well.
I walk to the front door, pausing for a moment with his voice echoing lightly "..this is all it takes.." I grab the door knob and light pours in when it gives.
A huge green field spotted with trees lay before me with a picnic shelter tucked just inside a sprawl of oak. I feel a weight of responibility to get to the shelter and so I go.
There are some stairs to the side that I veture up. I can see rafters and people in them and they see me. None are moving but all are thingking about moving. Most of them are too scared to move to the next rung. Risking themselves is too much.
I crawl onto the first one and then try to move to the next and fall hard onto the pavement when my hands can't grip the beams. A sharp inhale of shock comes from the others in the rafters.
I stand up and look at them all, then climb the stairs again to which they murmmer to themselves. I take my spot on the first beam then close my eyes and step off...much to my surprise there is a floor and when I open my eyes I'm in a room. The people on the rafters are gone.
There is man playing video games talking, half arguing, football stats to a man in the corner on a lazy boy whose rolling a blunt. The last man is looking out a window contemplating something dangerous.
Something is happening here and I know that I have to die for one of them...."..this is all it takes"
**This is a dream I had this morning. I haven't looked it up or tried to understand it completely but after typing it out and forcing myself back into it I'm starting see how the pieces fit.**
The first one goes by skateboard down the hill. He passes the pedestrians, glides beneath the power lines and reaches the house. He waves back to let us know he's made it. We then connect with him, seeing through his eyes.
He looks through the back door window past the dirty ruffled curtain into a porch littered with things that someone couldn't or wouldn't throw away. A metal cabinet with double doors was blocking the entrance to the kitchen and you could hear the rantings of a man in turmoil just inside. Every so often something would smash against a wall or a window else where in the house would break.
He looks back at us again...confidence waining but bravery intact. He jiggles the handle...the door opens and he enters.
Our connection is lost (and rightfully so). We pace and look on, starring at the door. The house is quiet. We wait for what seems like forever......we discuss our tactics; why we're here and the possibilities of what may be to come.
Eternity at our fingertips.
Then something disturbs us back to the door. He's come out slowly, dragging his feet with a gun in his hand. He gives us a desperate look. You can tell he's crying...he lifts the gun and discharges a round into his temple. The shot was silent and the air became heavy. His body faded away and a top floor window shattered out into the yard.
The two of us stood there looking over the empty spot where once a pool of blood stained the grass.
It was the next mans turn. He sucked in a large helping of air, mounted his bike and said "See ya' on the flip side" with a hint of regret. He too travelled down the hill, past the pedestrians and under the power lines. He walked around to the side of the House and peered into the windows. We saw a man in a filthy white robe, a long beard and long hair with middle-eastern colored skin. He's pacing and calling out; looking at the ceiling and pounding his chest. He slams his fists on the mantel, pushes the clock and vase placed there into the floor and they shatter at his feet.
The man slowly get off his bike, lowers his head and walks away. He doesn't look back. He doesn't try to get in. He just gives up and walks away, fading as he does so.
Now it is my turn. I debate for a moment on staying. I lose to myself and go. Walking down the hill, I see a young girl with a doll. She asks if I'll help her find her daddy so I take her hand and keep on walking.
An elderly woman is trying to cross the street, she's trying to rub the worry from her eyes and my heart goes out to her. She's afraid and just wants to get home but the traffic is keeping her from comfort. I ask the little girl if she wants to help me help the woman. She looks up at me. I know that she means yes, even though she doesn't say a word. The elderly woman sees us comming. Her eyes light up and she begins to smile. Her expression is relieved and weary. I tighten my grip on the little girls' hand and take the old womans'. Look left, Look right, look left again and cross. The traffic stops as we enter the street. Everything slows and gives us their attention. Some are happy because we help. Some are jealous and some are apathetic. Halfway through the raod the little girl yells "DADDY!!" and runs to a man on the other side who drops to his knees, opens his arms and exclaims "PRINCESS!! Oh! My baby girl! You're ok!!" The old woman looks over to me. 'well done' she says with her eyes, pats me on the back and lets go of my hand. She picks up the doll that the little girl dropped in her excitement and hands it to the father. He thanks the old woman over and over again to which she smiles, nods and walks away.
I watch her walk away. I watch the reunited in their happiness and my heart breaks...in a good way. I don't take credit or say a word. I just turn and walk toward the house.
Now that I am on the opposite side of the street, the power lines are not above me. A few yards down the street is a destitute man selling handkercheifs out of his pockets. My broken heart goes out to him so I search myself for money but all I can find is a few cents. It startles him when I ask how much and reach my 53 cents out to him. "A smile" he says. I smile. "Such a pretty smile should never leave a face that belongs to such a strong heart." he replies. "thank you.." I say and bow graciously to his kindness.
Now at the yard. I look down at the kerchief then back at the house. I approach the door and knock.
The door opens and the house goes quiet. The man is standing in the blocked doorway. He watches me walk in and move stuff out of the way. I make my way to the cabinet; we are a yard away from one another and both reach down to upright the cabinet. We look at one another. I feel acceptance.
He turns to walk into the kitchen, picks up a chair to sit in and I do the same. He says:
"My father wanted this. He wanted this beautiful strong house. He wants me to watch over it. He says that it's all for you..well not just you but all of you. He told me that this was the only way to save you and i'm thinking, save them from what?!"
"..ourselves?" I ask.
"Exactly! To save you from yourselves and believe me I understand why you need saving, hell I was where you are once! Such simple minds but so abolutely complicated" he laughs. "It's funny how you complicate thigns to feel important. You complicate things to feel like you're really alive. You complicate things so you can search for something.....you complicate yourselves like you have a reason to..." he begins sobbing. "...and it's not about me. It never was about me. It was all for you...I begged him...I begged him to relieve me of this burden and he turned his back on me! It was to lead by example! LEAD BY FUCKING EXAMPLE AND YOU STILL DON'T GET IT!! It wasn't about me....." He's crying and breathing heavy through his teeth. "If you'd all just take care of one another...if you could just see how much one could make a difference...if you only saw past your own beautiful and twisted desires...you'd see how much better everything would be. One makes a difference...." I reach into my pocket and hand him the kercheif.
He looks at it in disbelief. He wipes the blood from his hands and face. Dabs the tears from his eyes and says "Thank you....this is all it takes." and shakes the kercheif so I can see that it's clean. No blood no tears, then he fades away.
The kercheif is on the table for moment then fades as well.
I walk to the front door, pausing for a moment with his voice echoing lightly "..this is all it takes.." I grab the door knob and light pours in when it gives.
A huge green field spotted with trees lay before me with a picnic shelter tucked just inside a sprawl of oak. I feel a weight of responibility to get to the shelter and so I go.
There are some stairs to the side that I veture up. I can see rafters and people in them and they see me. None are moving but all are thingking about moving. Most of them are too scared to move to the next rung. Risking themselves is too much.
I crawl onto the first one and then try to move to the next and fall hard onto the pavement when my hands can't grip the beams. A sharp inhale of shock comes from the others in the rafters.
I stand up and look at them all, then climb the stairs again to which they murmmer to themselves. I take my spot on the first beam then close my eyes and step off...much to my surprise there is a floor and when I open my eyes I'm in a room. The people on the rafters are gone.
There is man playing video games talking, half arguing, football stats to a man in the corner on a lazy boy whose rolling a blunt. The last man is looking out a window contemplating something dangerous.
Something is happening here and I know that I have to die for one of them...."..this is all it takes"
**This is a dream I had this morning. I haven't looked it up or tried to understand it completely but after typing it out and forcing myself back into it I'm starting see how the pieces fit.**
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