Apathy chip status: Malfunction

What I want and what I need are finally the same thing but as luck would have it, both are unattainable.
I really can't wait for Julia to get here so I can focus all my energy on her....might piss off the cat but oh well, pooter will have to cope.
Its stupid. I feel like I've been beaten with my own arms and legs.

Dear Jeremy,

I feel like there little pieces of my heart that are just too broken to function. Pieces that when put back together so much as they have been, disintegrate under the weight of themselves.
I've been telling you for a very long time about what upsets me and what you could do to change it. All I've ever asked for is the love and respect that I've given you. Never asked you to change who you are, I always loved who you are.
I watched you change over time. It seemed like the more I was there for you, the less you wanted me around. You pushed me away - emotionally and physically.
It hurt, I drank more just like you. I stayed upstairs at our last place because you complained when I was near you.
I keep asking what i've done wrong and you can't give me an answer.
Im so very tired of trying to keep is together when there is little to no effort on your part. You asked me to marry you and i said yes.....then you used the ring as a weapon too many times so I stopped wearing it. Almost 2 full years have gone by and you made no effort to put it back on my finger which says to me that it was never very important to you.
I thought we were going to have a life together with 2 kids and a dog, grow old together and laugh at how other people aren't as smart as we are......shows who the fool is here.
People become foolish when they fall in love....I was fool for you....I would gladly have continued to be.
Julie wont let me feel bitter. I only have hope, maybe should've named her hope because I feel like she's saving us both.
I know that none of this matters and you'll never read this or any of these posts, even though you know about them. I know that it wont make a difference if you do otherwise it would have made a difference in our lives. I know that no matter how hard or loud I beg, I just wont. Be important enough for you to REALLY care. Actions speak louder than words and your 'I loves you's are lost in the wake of negativity you blanket our relationship with.
I love you.....I love you.......I love you but I just can't do this anymore. Im sorry.

Return

I invited Jeremy to move back in. Its been one day and already there is mess all over, has been a spill and a fight.
How can someone so happy to be back be so ungracious?
He's negative of everything. Turns polite conversation into controversy with a word or tone, completely oblivious to the effect his words and actions have on other people.
I hate who I am when we are together. I become negative. Snarky. Depressed and even scared.
One day back and already I am regretting my decision.

Nights like these.....

......I just can't stop crying.

Im not mad about the $6

Im NOT mad that you spent $6 on a beer and a shot.
Im mad because you said you were tired and feeling sick and weren't coming over.
Im mad because you went back to work afterwards to help clean and told me there was a raise in it for you and that you were doing it for our daughter.
Im mad because you believe you would get a raise for working off the clock under the influence of alcohol.
Im mad because you've lied to me so much I can barely tell when you are real.
Im mad because I feel like you chose alcohol over time with me.
Im mad because every time I get my hopes up for us, it seems like you always smash them into my face.
Im mad because you make me afraid to feel happy.