Im not mad about the $6

Im NOT mad that you spent $6 on a beer and a shot.
Im mad because you said you were tired and feeling sick and weren't coming over.
Im mad because you went back to work afterwards to help clean and told me there was a raise in it for you and that you were doing it for our daughter.
Im mad because you believe you would get a raise for working off the clock under the influence of alcohol.
Im mad because you've lied to me so much I can barely tell when you are real.
Im mad because I feel like you chose alcohol over time with me.
Im mad because every time I get my hopes up for us, it seems like you always smash them into my face.
Im mad because you make me afraid to feel happy.