A lovely bunch of cocoa nuts

So i feel happy, for once. First time in a long time...maybe one day i'll feel it without being afraid it will attack me.
In some ways happy is ok. I understand that there are ups and downs. You go into happy, you come out of happy then back in, blah blah blah blah. I wouldnt compare my happy to a roller coaster - those are predictable. Yes, you are travelling at speed towards the twists and turns but you can see them coming and the light at the end of the tunnel is the station. You decide it was worth the fear and hop back in line. You masochist.
I on the other hand must've taken a shit in Mohamed, buddah, jesus and satans showers because my happy is like a broken sling shot. A fun device for wreaking havoc and (quite frankly) causing destruction. See? Sometimes it works properly and im like 'yay. This is neat'. Nevermind that i've inadvertently nailed an elderly man in the noggin.
However, a majority of the time it sends pebbles of wtf flying in all directions or is hurling itself back into my face. So i tend to take my happy with a grain of salt and follow my bliss with a first aid kit.
Happy? Yeah, i've done that. Seek it out? Barely! Im content with muddle. Zen with confuse. Cautiously optimistic.
I could always run from happy but happy is annoying in that it finds you, makes you smile then punches you in the cunt.