Someone drain me...

I would rather be empty than full of all these terrible feelings.
The absent everything that comes from the presence of nothing is unequivocal to any amount of joy that is inevitably proceeded with pain.
Give me omission.
Give me apathy.

Towel status: Thrown

Im realizing now that im completely useless to everyone but Julia and Jer and that part of my high heart has sunk.
I have said that I love my work.
I have claimed love for my friends and family.
I have looked in the mirror and said 'i love you'
However,
I do no good for my employees and am at stand still with my management team and supervisor. I have lost the joy that once came with greeting my staff at the beginning of each shift with a personal 'hello!'
I have been unsuccessful in making time for my family and friends both before and after Julias birth. I want her to know them all like i want to know them all and i have failed thus far. You're all changing and im losing you.
I avoid my reflection.
I do everything in my power to ensure Julia and jer's safety and well being. I will continue to do so until it becomes impossible.
I will leave my current job to relieve their burden of me.
I will continue to try to see my friends and family when i can.
I will tell myself that it's ok but i will still avoid my reflection..