In the days of Double, before democratic structure, we were constantly told to 'own' frundraising projects because she was incapable of leading. So I did that, I created fundraising groups for skaters to volunteer in and share their ideas. To come together as a team and 'own' our fundraising projects. TOGETHER. TEAM. (Please keep these two words in mind as you read, they are the most important)
After 2 short months, ideas wear pouring into The Craft Committee and Bakers Guild and our Halloween party was rapidly approaching. However, instead of joining the groups and building a plan for EVERYONE, you took it upon yourself to privately email the most veteran skaters to have them head up specific aspects of the party, alienating others skaters and creating a bit of confusion to those already in the groups. It upset me that you didn't use the groups or even try and only after I said 'hey, remember these groups?" did you post, days later, "see these people......if you want to help with the halloween party prep". I msg'd you asking if I had upset you in anyway, (I still have every facebook conversation we've had since October of 2012) and my msg was read that night but never answered. After a week passed of you not even talking to me at practice, I approached you to ask the same question again to which you said no, and that you had a lot going on.
so I didn't take it personally, I thought maybe you just didn't realize that you weren't being a TEAM player. I didn't know you or how you feel about things, who am I to judge? I let it pass and put it out of my mind.
There were a few more things throughout the year that caused me to pause but being the kind natured person I am, I let them pass too. No need to make a big deal of it right? Surely you weren't personally trying to hurt my feelings?
Later there was the voting out of Amanda and demotion of Double, who regrettably left and also Icka, and the creation of a democratic structure.
At a meeting in the basement of Shelby's basement you told me while we were pouring wine, "you should be president berley" I remember it vividly because it was coming from someone that I felt like I had been fighting for their respect for a very long time. It meant a lot to me.
How surprised was I when you ran against me, and won.
It hurt a lot, but I was happy for you because it was for the TEAM. I even helped you whenever you came to me for help in the beginning, you later stopped talking to me pretty much altogether for months
Can you imagine being passed up for a promotion by someone that told you that you should have and not only that but then have them ask for your help at their new position? Take a moment to understand this. Another nurse that you've been trying to get the respect of tells you you should have the job, gets the job they encouraged you to do. Then asks you for help on how to do it. How would that make you feel? Would you be able to put yourself aside to help them?
I helped as many skaters as I could. If they were asking questions, I was researching and getting them answers because it was all for the TEAM.
Main Entry: un·der·mine
Pronunciation: \ˌən-dər-ˈmīn\
Function: transitive verb
Date: 14th century
1 : to excavate the earth beneath : form a mine under : sap 2 : to wash away supporting material from under 3 : to subvert or weaken insidiously or secretly <trying to undermine his political rivals> 4 : to weaken or ruin by degrees
I never at any point tried to subvert or weaken your position as president, insidiously or secretly. Did I bitch about how I felt? Sure, to anyone that would listen. Did I stop helping you when you asked? No. I put my personal feelings aside and gave you whatever support you wanted or asked from me. I have to say it came as quite a surprise to hear that you wouldnt be returning to the TEAM if I did because you felt like I undermined your presidency! Here's how it works, first I DO something, then you accuse me of it.
I've tried so very hard to be friends with you. I like your firey personality and your sense of humor. You're a talented skater and hella fun at parties but I can't keep lying to myself about how you feel because I just don't know and if past behaviour predicts future performance, it looks like I'll keep getting hurt by you. I still honestly believe that you never did anything to purposefully hurt me and I would hope I'm right but as someone that respects you, you should know how you've made me feel. I did not write this to hurt you. I haven't called you names or even used your name here to keep your anonymity to those outside the track.
It is what it is. I hope you return to the track, those girls really love you.
