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Is it so unusual for people to be kind that when they display it we must tear it apart? Im at a complete loss. Its as if i've forgotten how to use my arms and legs, nothing makes sense. Im trying to stay strong and be confident but i truly feel fun down. Part of me says to fight because its the right thing to do, the other part says give up, quit helping, shelve your kindness since its not worked out for you yet.
I genuinely feel like there is no one that understands. Im pleading for comfort and though i get hugs and kind words, they just feel empty to me.
Am i saying something wrong? Am i acting in a way that makes me worthy of hatred? I just dont understand why this is happening.
Through all this mayhem all i want to do is talk to the one person that could always set me straight and she's been dead for 8 years. Having all these bad feeling brings back other bad feelings. All of the lost lives, all the failed relationships, all the unwanted kindness. I really wish i worked today. At work everyone is glad to see me. When im upset they try to make me smile. They give a damn about Sarah not just because im a manager. Im so incredibly tired of trying to remain strong. At least when i am weak i have a few that are strong for me. That's enough to keep trying.