There you are...

There's something remarkable about a memory. The one that has all the markers, scent, sound, flavor, feeling.....
.....I was watching something that had been slowly dredging the murky undisturbed shadows of my longing.
It smelled sweet, sounded muffled, tasted bitter and felt as if I was drowning in a sea of my own despair, shifting into a hollow shell and releasing all my good things. The rejection and the emptiness you befriend while everyone and everything pushes you on......but all you want to do is sit quietly, or lay still in silence until the feelings pass or destroy you. Stop curing me. Let me bask in my ignorant breaking. Let me fucking struggle here in my own time. Leave me the fuck alone.....I don't want my feelings anymore.
There are many reasons why I avoid certain things in my life. A majority of them will have me in ruin. Ain't no body got time for that!