I ate Wendy's, saw the movie Contagion then I came home and cried. (Jeremy went with me, we dutched it since we're both broke. Matinee even.)
I told him I might take a nap so he went to his grandfathers to do laundry. He says "I love you, i'll be back later cause we've got an ultrasound tomorrow." Its only 5 pm.
Im afraid to hope. I want to think that he's going to do something special for me while he's gone but I already know nothing is going to happen. He may even forget to come back.
Alone and pregnant on my couch with the intention of making brownies for myself later should I find some hidden energy.
Im so very unfulfilled with my life at this point. Ive let a lot get in the way. Im going to have a baby soon and what will I tell her when she's old enough to understand these things and ask questions. Will I lie like everyone else does? Will I be honest to the point of damage as I have been?
I do know one thing; I'd be much worse off if I weren't pregnant. She is basically keeping me alive.....saving me. I will continue because I am in her debt. The thought makes me want to smile.......I can't wait to smile again. : )
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