That old feeling

Been a while but im here again. Depressed. At least this time its not the debilitating kind. Its the kind that no matter how much sleep i get or how much food i eat, i feel like i've been rolled by a succubus. She took eveything. My energy, my will, my peace, my dry face. My protective emotional coating is in tatters about my hope which fades with each passing day.
Fake it till you make it. Keep smiling. Keep acting out the perfect happy story in your head. Make it real even though you know that its just a lie you tell yourself to keep your head above water.
Sometimes i want the water to swallow me. Surrender. End the struggle. Let go of all the beautiful things that now seem like a fevered dream. Has it all been an illusion? It certainly feels like one. Like wrestling with air and losing.