Swimming in misery

Its my understanding that if you look for something, you'll find it.
You look for good in someone - there is it.
You look for bad - Tah Dah!
So why bother? Looking for the unrealistic. Searching for truth when even truth is open for debate. A real person when if you close your eyes they disappear. Poof!
So what now? Settle for the least terrible? Be happy with whatever effort is exerted? Believe any 'truth' as a matter of convenience then pick up later to refute for arguments sake??
I am so very tired of these games. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations. I should want less from this one life i've been given? Enjoy being a rat in the rat race, you could be a slug! Pah!
I know what I want and need....I just have to adjust my way of thinking to accept that perhaps I wont ever get either from anyone other than me...
So very tired.....wish I had never learned to swim.