Letting them in

It kills me that I still have faith in humanity. I sincerely wish I could kill it. Not having it would keep me out of relationships which are the number one cause of destruction to my psyche.
How is it that I can look fondly on a person knowing, full well, what they are capable of and not only that but what they are likely to execute?
What is this faith without trust besides just another exercise in futility?
The seeds of doubt have no trouble growing and when its time, i harvest heaps of loathing and insecurity. Many bushels of emotional exhaustion and baskets of fear and suspicion.
When you've grown something for so long. Its difficult to grow something new. One first must till the soil mixing and turning, toiling, trying and failing and trying again. Even after repeated attempts, sometimes, what you want to grow just wont.